Thursday, July 29, 2010

Seven things I like - Part one

I’ve been reading the fruits of this particular meme’s labor for several weeks now, biding my time. And finally the day has come. Philip, from the blog the domesticated bohemian, has named me one of his seven “pass it on” choices. (The man knows not what he’s done.)

I'm supposed to write seven things that I like/love/whatever and then pass it on. With this particular meme it’s become common practice to write an entire post per item. (Some wonderful examples can be found here, here, and here.) And though I think it's a fantastic idea and plan to make better use of it later, this first post will be a tad short. 

Now, not only does this meme give me seven guaranteed, theme ready posts…but it allows me to finally talk about one of the most significant inanimate objects in my life.

1. The detachable showerhead

Technology is a marvelous thing, especially for women.

They’ve invented lasers to remove excess hair, turned breast augmentation into a veritable art form, and recently even found a way to create the kind of dimples you don’t have to gain weight to obtain. They’ve introduced us to such marvels as GPS, to track that special someone when he doesn’t want to be tracked. And digital cameras, so that when that GPS leads us where our womanly intuition knew it would, we can capture him perfectly. With his pants down.

New gadgets turn up daily and I, for one, thoroughly enjoy exploring all this generation has to offer…stalking not necessarily included. However, it’s often the simple things we appreciate the most. Things that never received much fanfare to begin with and have been around so long that we rarely, if ever, think about who made them possible.

Like the detachable showerhead.

After a brief and none too thorough search, I was unable to find the name of the person that invented it. But I came up with a theory:

Some woman remembered just how much fun she had playing in the sprinklers as a kid and how, if she stood over them just so, the world was suddenly a more bright and pulsating place. And this happened, I’m guessing, in the era that back massagers were bought as back massagers, yet secretly used as vibrators. Or do people still do that sort of thing? It’s entirely possible, because I once knew a girl that had a small, battery operated flossing device that she used as a bullet. She called it a cheaper version of the real thing, but in my opinion you get what you pay for...and she paid to press a button and hold it down the entire time. Seems rather like shooting yourself in the foot to me. I’d get tired of holding down that damn button, or my finger might keep slipping off and make it stop and go, stop and go. Unacceptable.

Anyway, so this woman that remembers getting busy with a sprinkler has the bright idea to make an indoor version that’s not only suitable for the vagina, but great for easy tub/shower cleaning, not to mention working those pesky kinks out of your neck and shoulders. Brilliant, I say.

I’m pretty sure you can get a fancy pants version that has a ton of settings, pressures, and such. But the standard four is good enough, I think. You’ve got:

* Full Body, wide cone spray for maximum coverage
* Heavy Rain, full spray which offers pouring rain sensation
* Jet Massage, oscillating massage for relief to tired and sore muscles
* Mist Spray, full coverage spray which gently hydrates skin.

I know half the fun is in experimenting, but I’ll just go ahead and tell you not to use the Mist Spray on your sensitive areas. Unless you like feeling like a bunch of angry bees are stinging your lady petals. And sometimes Jet Massage can get a little intense. Like, hitting Little Richard notes intense.


19 comments:

Manda said...

Haha, oh yay, I was hoping you would do this meme! Sorry for that sudden burst of excitement. Is it strange that I've been reading this blog since January but only decided to comment today? Yes, probably.

Philip said...

Nice photo. I think i'm seeing a theme already. The labels on your posts are an intrinsic part of your - ahem - "art".

Gorilla Bananas said...

How do you avoid accidentally douching yourself? That's not a sexual thing, is it?

the eternal worrier: said...

Very funny post. Got me thinking about how much my girlfriend insisted on me buying a shower when we moved in here. Buy the way, I hope she didn’t use the flossing device for ... flossing as well?

Ed said...

I worked in the plumbing dept at Lowes while in college.

We sold tons of those things. And I only ever remember the ladies buying them, not men.

Now I know why. Thanks.

Mr London Street said...

As long as you don't try to exfoliate with a dildo you should be all right.

Can you lower the tone from here? I do find myself slightly hoping so.

Baglady said...

You said lady petals. Fnarr.

hiphophippie.com said...

Fecking hilar. Love them detachable shower heads. Can't get enough of 'em. :)

Tony said...

I actually like the detachable shower heads...not for dirty reasons though. For cleaning reasons.

Kristine said...

Yeah, they're pretty good for washing my cats. No, really. Cats.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I don't understand at all why all showerheads aren't detachable. I mean surely it's a lot easier to clean your swanny when you can aim the water in the right area instead of splashing it up at your bizness with your hands? Unless of course you're an acrobat.

I'm ignoring the real issue at hand here, however. This is because I haven't had a detachable shower head since I was about 16. My apartments always seem to have those super-fixed things, built for someone who's six four, that you have to wrestle to even aim an inch differently.

Kristine is right too. Detachables are good for washing your pussy. Meow.

Mr. Condescending said...

hahahah @ veggies last line!

Superb post, OWO.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Talent my dear. You got it.

And I've added this to my "must have" list. mmmm "oscillating massage" Those are words to make love to.

I really need to get laid. thanks for reminding me.

Didactic Pirate said...

I read this post last night and it gave me strange dreams.

BugginWord said...

"Like, hitting Little Richard notes intense."

Suddenly you make me happier than my detachable shower head. And that's saying something.

Kola Kokahalla said...

The people who design shower heads clearly aren't women or they'd be not only detachable but cute, pastel colored and come with special pulse settings. And um. Extensions. I'm just saying.

Georgina Dollface said...

Well, um, thank you for this. I thought I was the only one. I can't understand why people get all excited about these new wide rainforest shower heads. What's the point, you can't aim with those things. - G

mylittlebecky said...

it's like we're the same person. love the detachable showerhead!

Eric said...

I completely had to look up Veg's 'swanny' reference. Still can't make tails of it...