Thursday, November 05, 2009

Guest Posting day 4: The Kid in the Front Row

Today's guest post comes from The Kid in the Front Row. He writes a film blog, but it's much more than that. Inspirational pieces on making your goals a reality, short fictional stories, and random hilarious posts make his site one of the most interesting I've come across. Even though he is currently in New York and I'm sure very busy, he consented to do this for me. I didn't even have to bribe him, though I probably would have. So read on, enjoy, and go visit him when you're done.


The women in my life are great. In fact, they're very loving and affectionate, unfortunately just not towards me. I used to think it was maybe because our interests didn't quite match, or maybe because I'm not quite their type - but now I have a more logical explanation for it - it's because I'm completely ugly and uninteresting. Okay, no. No, I don't want to go with that explanation. How about this one - all the women I've ever met/been with, are completely insane? Yep, I prefer that one. It works for me.


The language of women confuses me. 'I don't love you anymore' often means 'I still really love you' and this one time, 'I love you so much,' I found out, was code for 'I am sleeping with Marcus Dilberry.' How we are meant to decode these things, I'll never know.

Girls have also broken up with me for the most crazy reasons. For example, this one girl, Nia, forgave me when I slept with her sister - but dumped me after I left the bathroom seat up for the 4th night in a row. WHY DOES IT MATTER? It's not like she was going to fall down it and get her ass stuck. Okay, that did happen once, but it wasn't my fault -- she was dieting like crazy (another weird obsessive thing girls do) so it was her own fault she plummeted deep into the mirky depths of the bowl.

I wish I had more positive stories to share with you, and I am trying my best to remember some seedy sex stories. Many of the women I've been with love sex, yet it's still hard to convince them to have it in the same room as me. Again, many weird codes have often come into sexual relationships, like when 'don't worry, it's not too small' has been followed deep into a night of passion with, 'i'm ready when you are.'

I remember one girlfriend who, well, okay, I don't remember her that well, was it Nicole or Nicola? Maybe it was Jenny. Anyways, you can't expect me to remember, it was like two years ago and I've nearly dated a girl since. Anyways, she was always going on about how I should be more of a 'modern' man. so I tried to be more modern, I figured being a modern man was doing the dishes and my share of the cleaning. In the end, she showed me what modern loving really is, she married some man from craigslist.

Women - I can't figure them out, I have no idea what they're thinking - the only thing I know for sure is that they have really nice breasts.

10 comments:

Secretia said...

It is awful to accidentally sit into a wide open toilet in the dark.

miss. chief said...

"you can't expect me to remember, it was like two years ago and I've nearly dated a girl since" made me laugh. good one!

JennyMac said...

I think the language of women is even confusing to some women...

as in:

What's wrong?
NOTHING (stomp stomp scowl scowl)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I like this post because he said I have really nice breasts. He did. That last part down there. That makes my breasts feel really good, as they were having a bad hair day and their esteem was low.

otherworldlyone said...

Psssh! He was talking about MINE.

Stacie's Madness said...

this. is a funny post...loved it.

Mr London Street said...

I'm loving JennyMac's trailblazing observational gender humour.

This post reminded me of a joke by Jimmy Carr (which is almost as funny):

'My girlfriend used to complain that I always left the toilet seat up so I put a stop to that. Now she complains that I piss all over the toilet seat.'

The Kid In The Front Row said...

Stop arguing over whose breasts I was referring too. Let me see them again, then I can decide.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Hah modern! The naughty minx!

j-face said...

just as long as he wasn't talking about MY breasts...