Saturday, November 07, 2009

Guest Posting day 6: Mysterg

This guy kept me on edge and waiting for this post until the VERY last minute. Shithead.

I'm actually out of town and about to get ready for my first tailgating/complete college football game day experience (Clemson vs. Florida State). That means tomorrow's guest post will not go up until much later than the others. It's a long drive home. Everyone have a great weekend and please enjoy my last two guest posters and show them some love.

Mysterg always has an entertaining story to tell, it seems. He alternates between posts that are very moving and heartfelt, and posts that are laugh out loud funny. He's even been known to start a debate or two. I knew he'd have no trouble writing about women. Read, enjoy, comment, and then go visit him at his lovely blog: Meditations in an Emergency.



She...


She is the woman who after breaking her foot in three places and spending the night at a hospital where a flasher in a mac kept indecently exposing himself to her, helped me get over the first girl that I ever loved...

She is the woman who got me drunk on a whole bottle of Austrian Schnapps, covered me in make-up, stole my shoes, then sent me to work where I danced on a food counter in front of 100 people before throwing up everywhere...

She is the woman that came to my aid when I overdosed on jalapeno peppers and half-collapsed inside a walk-in fridge whilst foaming at the mouth...

She is the woman that on my 18th Birthday, despite not knowing where I lived, took me home absolutely wasted...even if I did wake up on the doorstep with my front door keys in my hand...

She is the woman responsible for the funniest karaoke moment I've ever witnessed, a duet of the B-52's Love Shack, with the campest, baldest, most deadpan gay guy you can possibly imagine...

She is the woman that taught me all the dance moves to the STEPS version of the Bee Gees song "Tragedy", which led to me being inappropriately touched/violated by a gay guy during a Lost Weekend...

She is the woman that was a good/bad influence on me, my drinking partner in crime who encouraged me to makeout with her best friend on and off for several years, until said friend got married...

She is the woman who gatecrashed a total strangers house party with me, gave me a drunken lap dance in the middle of their living room until we were thrown out, walked her home and put her to bed...then woke up in a shop doorway...

She is the woman who educated me in the ways of the world, including most importantly how to both toast and swear in other languages...

She is the woman who shares in my love of Partridge, Morris, Bailey...

She is the woman who disappears for months or sometimes years at a time, but always returns to me...

She is the woman who reigns as queen of all the redheads that I've ever had the pleasure to know...

She is the woman that has always listened to me instead of waiting for her turn to talk...

She is the woman whose shoulder was there to cry on when my whole world fell apart...

She is the woman whose bed I would crawl into and snuggle with, on and off throughout many years, whenever I needed the warmth and comfort of another human being...

She is the woman who has restored my faith in womankind countless times...

She is the woman that I trust, something I cannot say of anyone else, except perhaps my immediate family...

She is the woman that I would do anything for, no questions asked...

She is the sister I never had...

She is the lover I never took...

She is the wife I will never marry...

She is the mother of the children I will never have...

She is the lifetime companion I will never grow old disgracefully with...

She is the one that I love with all my heart but have never fallen in love with...

She is the friend I will always have...

She is the one that got away...yet I wouldn't have it any other way...

She is the one that I miss...

She...

13 comments:

ellen abbott said...

What an incredible tribute. I can't decide who is luckier.

The Peach Tart said...

Fascinating post

Secretia said...

Mysterg, that is one of the best things I ever read.

Thanks, Secretia

mysterg said...

Thanks guys and thank you Alyson for your patience and having me!

Hannah Miet said...

She...sounds awesome.

One Sassy Girl said...

She sounds made up!! If such a woman exists - and I'm sure she does - she must be one hell of a girl. She's got my admiration.

Wonderful post, as always.

BrightenedBoy said...

This started funny and then became very touching toward the end. You must be some kind of friend.

Ellie said...

I like her.

Ellie said...

I like her.

Judearoo said...

Has she seen this? Or will you send it to her?

Maryx said...

What a lucky girl...
Please tell her. It will mean the world to her.

mysterg said...

@Hannah - Yes she is awesome. But doesn't even know it. Which makes her even more awesome! (nnice touch btw)

@Sass - Yes she is and she sets a high standard for everybody else to follow.

@BrightenedBoy - I try to be as good a friend to her as she is to me, but I can be a bit rubbish at times...

@Ellie - I'm glad.

@Judearoo - Whilst she is the one person I know in person who I wouldn't mind reading my blog, some things are best left unsaid, so she hasn't read this and I won't be sending it to her.

@Maryx - I hope that she already knows how much her friendship means to me without me having to go and complicate things or embarrase her by sending something like this to her.

artfulkisser said...

Lucky you. She sounds like a top chick.