Things have been a bit dull lately. I have a feeling that I’ll regret that statement come this weekend when my family shows up en masse for Thanksgiving, but there it is anyway.
I could tell you about what happened at court today, but I don’t particularly feel like talking about it. Let’s just say it went neither badly nor well. Though I did look quite smart, if I do say so myself.
I always get a bit nostalgic around the holidays and today I found myself thinking of one incident in particular. I can only assume that the reason I dredged up this memory is that the person it involves reminds me a bit of Santa Claus – if Santa Claus sold marijuana.
Several years ago I lived in a small house on the more questionable side of town with five other people. One of those people was my cousin Dooby. His girlfriend and I worked together in a Greek restaurant close by. I have no idea what the others did. When we weren’t working we were getting drunk, getting high, and playing video games.
I also have no idea how we smoked the amount of marijuana that we smoked and functioned. Hell, for all I know we didn’t. Most of my time there is a great big blur. But there are a few things that stand out. One is the time Dooby tried to whore me out for pot.
He had a friend, aptly named after snack food, that was his regular pot dealer. I never saw the guy much because I always went through Dooby to get my stuff...or just smoked his.
One night we were sitting on the couch playing a video game when Dooby said to me, “You know, Dude likes you.”
I wasn’t really paying him much attention. “Uh huh.”
“I told him you were single.”
“So, you know he’s got this good shit that just came in right?”
That got my attention. “For real?”
“So are you going to get some”, I asked him.
“Well”, he said looking all shifty, “it’s kinda expensive and I’m broke.”
I sighed and turned back to the game. “Oh.”
“But...I was thinkin’. What if I invited him over to hang out with us? He’ll come because he likes you and he’ll probably smoke some of it with us too.”
I didn’t have to think about that for long. After all, all I had to do was sit in the same room with the guy and he would light it up and pass it around. Sounded good to me.
“Ok, whatever. But don’t tell him anything stupid like I’m into him!”
So the guy came over.
He was over six feet tall, had a shaved head, and was very...round. I couldn’t begin to guess at a weight, but the fucker was huge. I looked like the Rob to his Big, only you know, a girl. And he had really red cheeks, like Santa Claus...but less jolly looking.
He sat down and we all hung out for awhile. I relaxed a bit because everything seemed ok. He did in fact break out his awesome new pot and share.
“....or something like that.”
“I’m going to fucking kill you! Get him out of here.”
Yer So Bad
5 days ago