Guest Posting day 5: Organic Meatbag

I came across Meatbag's blog several months ago, but a little pop up that said "ADULT CONTENT" stopped me from going any farther. I mostly blog at work, so I was a little hesitant to click on anything with those two words, loudly proclaiming my intent to go against policy. Poor Meat thought I didn't like him. I finally got over that ridiculous fear and started reading anyway. After all, even though I don't classify my blog under "ADULT CONTENT", I still talk about penises almost daily. If I'm going to get in trouble, it won't have anything to do with him.

Anyway, Meat is my funny muse. (It's because of him that you were able to experience the Richard Simmons's story.) He writes some of the most hilarious posts I've ever read. Today he's graced us with something a little more heartfelt. Something about this week's topic has really brought out the love in the fellas. Pussies. (Kidding. Sort of.) Go Meat!


So when Alyson asked me to do a guest post for her this week, naturally, I said "What's the topic, you harlequin?" She thoroughly implored me to go fuck myself, but then she lightened up and said "Oh, the topic will be about a meaningful relationship, either past or present, or maybe a humorous dating story"...OK, just kidding, she never told me to go fuck myself, although I am sure she wanted to, but that is what the topic was really about.


The truth is, until 11 years ago, I never had a real relationship of any substance in my life...at least I wouldn't consider them of any substance on my part. There aren't a lot of good dating stories in my life, or relationship stories, and not too many good memories for me to dwell upon with girls in my early days, so I retracted myself into a pseudo-party boy lifestyle, especially when I was old enough to frequent clubs, but I wasn't happy, not even in the slightest sense of the word... nothing mattered to me...until I met her.

I met her in September of 1998. We got married on April 30, 1999. So yeah, we knew quickly that this thing we felt was real. We clicked on every level. We shared the same warped sense of humor, we shared a love of The Simpsons and Seinfeld, our upbringings were different enough to pull that old "opposites attract" theory, and oh yeah, we most definitely found instant chemistry in the bedroom...wink, wink!

I never thought I would find anyone that would accept me for everything that I am, and admittedly, I am flawed in many, many ways. She doesn't care...she accepts me, she helps me through my pain, she puts up with my idiosyncrasies, she puts up with my KISS music, she deals with my old wrestling tapes, she put up with the deafening loudness of my drums for all of these years, and I feel damn lucky...every single day, I feel damn lucky. I thought I would wander this world all alone. How in the hell I found my soul mate in the most improbable chance meeting of all time, I will never know, but I'm not going to question it.

Eleven years later now, we are still as happy as ever, we still laugh incessantly at each other, and life is good. We never had any kids, but we do have a dog and a cat that we consider to be our kids. Will this whole "procreate and repopulate the Earth" thing happen with us? Maybe...you never know. We're not trying but we're not avoiding it either. If it happens, it happens, we'll just have to wait and see.

And oh yeah again, just to snuff out any possible questions about it: Yes, we are still red hot in bed. Hehehehe...yep. We have managed to keep things exciting through the years. Like the time we had sex in our old apartment complex's indoor pool, or the many times that we would open the patio door right outside the same complex's outdoor pool and have sex on the floor in full view of anybody out by the pool. And oh yeah, did I tell you about the time we were stuck in a complete traffic jam on I-75 North between the Georgia and Tennessee border? Yeah, we had sex in our old truck. Right there. In the middle of the traffic jam. With people walking alongside the interstate next to us to see what was causing the traffic jam. Well, I'm sure they were walking by us to watch us having sex. That was hot...hahahaha!

So do you see why I love this woman?